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Mister
Rogers on Conflict Resolution
Last
week, we performed a fascinating experiment, resulting in the discovery
that the child psychology advice from Fred Rogers (of the Mister Rogers TV show) can easily
be applied to improving relations between managers and employees.
The experiment required simply replacing the word "child"
and "parent," used by Fred in his quotes, with the words
"employee" and "manager" in their respective places.
This week, let's adapt a few more key Fred Rogers quotes.
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This week, we feature two
related quotes, both from the book Mister
Rogers Talks with Parents. After modifying the child/parent
and employee/manager wording, watch the magic . . .
Call them
rules or call them limits, good ones, I believe, have this in common:
They serve reasonable purposes; they are practical and within a child's an employee's capability; they
are consistent; and they are an expression of loving concern.
— Fred Rogers
I think of discipline as the
continual everyday process of helping a child an employee learn
self-discipline.
— Fred Rogers
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Key Point
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The manager who remembers and employs the
principles expressed in these quotes will have a much easier job than
those who don't. Too often, discipline in the workplace is more about
punishment than learning. As Fred Rogers explains, well-intentioned
disciplining is not the delivery of a threat but is corrective
guidance. He adds that well-formed disciplining also teaches, leading
to self-discipline. The self-disciplined employee is a pleasure to work
with. The nature of a manager's actions can foster self-discipline in
the employee or fear and discouragement.
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Use
Humility to Diffuse Conflict
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It's a funny thing: so many of us
throughout the years have made light of the way in which Fred, through
the character of Mister Rogers, spoke to children. But did you know how
strategically intentional his simpleton delivery was?
As Mr. Rogers explains it, "That's why I talk to children in the
mewling, mealy-mouthed manner you are all familiar with. My principle
has been to give the children the impression that they are more
intelligent than I am. That quiets any remaining fears they may
have." His mannerisms were almost the antithesis of
talking down to children, as so many adults do.
And therein lies the
"Mister Rogers" wisdom in dealing with adults as well: not
talking down to them. Presumably you are in leadership because you have
more skills, education, or knowledge in critical areas than the
employees you manage. But haven't we all known of managers who spoke
with virtual disdain to their employees, as though disgusted by what
they don't know — impatient with the effort required to
teach them?
Fred Rogers recognized the value of earning trust by
displaying a humble demeanor. It's true for your employees, just as it
was true for the child audience of Mister Rogers. He says, "How could they fear the
simpleton I appear to be?"
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So, Act
Like a Doofus Then?
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Obviously, using Fred Rogers'
advice doesn't mean you should mimic the tonal quality or word choices
Mister Rogers made when applying that advice to your business
management style (he was speaking to young children after all). But you
may benefit from the principle he espouses by presenting yourself to
your team with an air of unassuming simplicity rather than
corner-office supremacy.
If you need examples on how others apply that same
principle, consider these:
- Abraham Lincoln used
this same approach in dealing with people. Whenever he was
confronted by a potentially ugly conflict, he would often settle
into a reflective pose and start with something like,
"Now that reminds me of
a
story . . ."
He was disarming others with his backcountry folksy approach.
- Theodore Roosevelt
said: "Speak softly and
carry a big stick." In the business place, this
can mean that, rather than dazzle your employees with your airs of
grandeur, be instead humble and approachable; let your skills and
experience speak for themselves through your actions.
While developing unassuming airs may feel foreign
or awkward, do not fear taking on a humble posture. Unless you presume
yourself to be above such great leader says Abraham Lincoln or Theodore
Roosevelt, then there is room to learn from their examples of humility.
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Expect
Problems to Find Solutions
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Let's look at a few more
modified Fred Rogers quotes, useful for building healthy
employee/manager relations when conflict arises.
"Most childhood employee problems don't
result from "bad" parenting management, but are the
inevitable result of the growing that parents supervisors and children employees do together. The
point isn't to head off these problems or find ways around them, but
rather to work through them together and, in doing so, to develop a
relationship of mutual trust to rely on when the next problem comes
along."
— Fred Rogers, from Mister
Rogers Talks with Parents.
There are two nuggets of truth
to be gained from this quote. First, whether you are a parent, a
supervisor, or both, Fred Rogers reminds us we have never
"arrived" — leaders always have opportunities to continue
learning and growing, ever improving in leadership skills. Second, do
not be surprised when employee problems and conflicts arise. If you
assume that human interaction is rarely friction-free, you can prepare
for it and successfully move through it with your team.
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Power Quotes from Our Readers
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This quote from subscriber
Sheila B. is a favorite of hers from Fred Rogers:
"I have a
very modulated way of dealing with my anger. I
have always tried to understand the other person and invariably I've
discovered that somebody who rubs you the wrong way has been rubbed the
wrong way many times."
How valuable it is, to remember this principle
when dealing with hostility in the workplace. A real "walk a mile in my shoes" way of thinking.
Here is one more quote, this one from subscriber
Chuck M. It is an old German proverb:
"To
change and to change for the better are two different things."
It is considered a good thing if you are willing
to change. As this proverb reminds us, just remember to choose
carefully what you change. Like me, I'm sure you have seen a fine piece
of writing go down the tubes through successive rewrites, until its
original value has been entirely lost.
Thank you, to all those to send us your favorite
quotes. If there is a quote that has served you inspirationally in the
workplace or has been valuable in your speech or in writing, write and tell us about
it. We may feature your quote in a future issue to
inspire others.
Also, please write
and tell us how our weekly quotes have aided your
writing and speaking. Your feedback helps us tailor our quote
selections to your needs and often inspires others as well.
Thanks, from the Writing that Works staff:
Ric Moxley (Editor) , Donna Cornelius (Contributing Editor), Jim
Moxley (Copy Editor),
and Phyllis Moxley (Proofreader,
Copy Editor)
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Let
WriteWorks Help
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Analogies and quotes such as this one from Truman
can bring your writing to life, adding clarity and persuasiveness.
Typos and grammatical errors, however, can kill it. When your words
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to discuss your needs and learn how easy — and beneficial! — it is to do business with us.
Thanks, from the
Writing that Works staff:
Ric Moxley (Writer/Editor) ,
Donna Cornelius (Contributing Editor),
Jim Moxley (Copy Editor), and
Phyllis Moxley (Proofreader, Copy Editor)
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