|
|
Greetings from WriteWorks columnist Miss Staitett,
bringing you incredibly "Foul Language" each month — infamous
and otherwise unforgettable fouled-up language: word blunders from the
real world of miscommunication. For any of us who have embarrassed
ourselves with message-altering typos, with words that could be (and
were) taken the wrong way, and with translation errors, may you find
comfort in these painful passages, knowing that, at least, you were not
alone.
|
|
|
Dear Reader,
Speech recognition software continues to provide a handsome
selection of fouled up language examples for this column. The problem
with such you-talk-it-types programs, of course, is that the software is
not capable of listening with comprehension as well (or as fast) as the
human mind. Not yet. With a fast computer and a recent version of a
speech recognition program, I have personally achieved “typing” speeds
over 150 words per minute. Clearly, this makes such a software program
enticing.
However, you can’t just close your eyes, settle back in your
chair, and converse freely with your computer. Like watching a small
child, you must keep a close watch that little computer program. You
never know what it might be doing with your words. An innocuous question
such as, “Where
did you get them made?” may be understood by the speech
software as being, “We’re bead you get them may?”-- total nonsense -- or
something logical but wrong, such as, “Where did you get the maid?”
While these two interpretations are phonetically similar to what I
actually said, the first translation may convince your reader that you
began happy hour long before you left the office. The second
interpretation might be taken as some bizarre
insult to your reader’s administrative assistant.
What follows then is an enjoyable list of fouled-up language
phrases from real life, all brought to you courtesy of the developing
speech recognition technology and a few of its hapless victims: some of
our subscribers and me. In each case, you may find it helpful to speak
the software program’s translation aloud so you can hear how similar it
may actually be to the original. Sometimes, however, I find no reasonable
explanation for how the software program arrived at its translation.
Enjoy:
Fouled-Up Speech-to-Text Phrases
|
When speaking the phrase…
|
The speech recognition software wrongly
typed …
|
Notes and observations
|
|
“Looking forward to
hearing from you.”
|
“Looking forward to
urine from you.”
|
This could explain why the person never called me back!
|
|
“Speak more succinctly.”
|
“Be more sick saintly” or “Speak
more six saintly.”
|
I’ve known a few sickly Saints, but…
|
|
“… can go with you/us” (spoken
aloud as “you slash us”)
|
“Tango with you/ass.”
|
Conveniently, the program also offered “you ass” as an
alternative.
|
|
“In the “indulge” section of the
newsletter …
|
“In the bilge section of the
newsletter…”
|
Must be a trashy production.
|
|
"As you suggested…"
|
"As you seem chested…"
|
Big chested? Harry chested? We may never know…
|
|
"Go get Meagan"
|
"Go get naked"
|
The party could be more fun with the phrase translated either
way.
|
|
“Didn't I just send you guys...”
|
“Didn't digest sinew guys...”
|
Yes, sinewy guys would be hard to
digest, wouldn’t they?
|
|
“Please let me know.”
|
Please let Beano.
|
This was sent in an e-mail. How would
you feel with someone begging you by e-mail to get help from Beano (an
anti-flatulence pharmaceutical product)?
|
|
“…thought I would join you
guys.”
|
“Plywood joins you guys.”
|
Makes me feel boxed in.
|
|
"I'm brushing my
teeth."
|
"I'm brushing my Teat.
|
Creates some disturbing mental images, don’t you think?
|
|
"Oh what a nice
haircut!"
|
"Oh what a nice Aircut!"
|
I guess that’s what an airhead gets.
|
|
"Watch my breathing,"
|
"Watch my breeding."
|
I’d rather not, thank you.
|
|
“She is banking here regularly
now”
|
“She’s spanking here regularly
now.”
|
Whether she needs to or not?
|
|
“Bill Esry
runs frequently.”
|
“Bill has the runs frequently.”
|
Poor Bill. When I deleted the error and spoke it again, it’s
still can only do as well as “Bill as three runs frequently.”
|
Share Your Pain!
If
you use speech recognition software and catch it in the act of mangling
your spoken words, please write
and tell me: miss staitett.. With your help, this could become a regular feature.
Next time, will focus on names. Speech recognition programs often have
more trouble with these than with phrases, particularly if the name is
not in its built-in dictionary.
Sincerely,
Miss Staitett
|